Ways to Turn Men Down

[Micfo]

- My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman

- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

- A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
George Burns

- I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, >"There was water in the carburetor." I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman

- Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller

- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and I didn't notice.'

- When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 m! onths - I don't like to interrupt her.

- My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

- A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thi! ef was spending much less than his wife did.

- Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."!

- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

- Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was ! too late."

- A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same : "You can have mine."

- A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." >"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. >"A billionaire." she replied.

- The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.!

- A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intel! ligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

- Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

- A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman and then, BAM!, it was all gone!". "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

- Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

- I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. he man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

- Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

- How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

- Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

- First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.


Enjoy :-)

[grapex]

wow thats really nice. liked it

[reedfloren]

pretty good.

[LordFett]

Wow, those were good and funny. Thanks for sharing them